Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sometime in the 1970s a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople line up at the town store to wait to be given their rations. After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave." The Jews in the line leave grumbling.
About an hour later, the man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so anyone who is not a member of the Communist party will have to leave." More grumbling as the non-Party members depart.
Another hour goes by and the man comes out of the store again and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone in the line, so anyone who wasn't a member of the Party before 1956 has to leave." More grumbling as all the younger Party members leave. A few old people remain in the more...
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push." On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission" On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs." On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you." At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition." On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive." At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get more...
Interviewer asks in America: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"
And the reply is... " 'Shortage?' What's a 'shortage?'"
Interviewer asks in Poland: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"
And the reply is... " 'Meat?' What's 'meat?'"
Interviewer asks in Russia: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?
And the reply is... " 'Opinion?' What's an 'opinion?'"
Interviewer asks in Israel: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"
And the reply is... " 'Excuse me?' What's 'excuse me?'"
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Q: What do you get if you cross a Hell's Angel with a Jehovah's Witness? A: Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to fuck off! Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm? A: Because men fake foreplay. Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick! Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? A: Dating children. Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball? A: A guy will actually search for a golfball. Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? A: She knows she's given her last blow job. Q: Who is the more...
One day a family were sitting at dinner eating dear meat. The dad said, " kids, if you can guess what we are eating i will give you 10.00. So the 1st lil girl says, "chicken"
he says,"nope". the second child which is a boy says turkey? he says no. He says i will give you one clue... its something your mom calls me.There was a long pause then the little girl says CHARLIE SPIT THAT OUT YOUR EATING BUTTHOLE!!
A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User`s Manual?
The bus and train timetables.
What do you call a Lada on a hill?
A bloody miracle.
One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her choice. She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, "Oh, Erich, if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the borders just for one day." Honnecker said, "Of course, my dear," but was a bit puzzled by her request. He asked, "But why would you have me do such a thing?" The mistress replied, "I want to be alone with you."
Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn`t there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat more...