Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Which of the following doesnt belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just cant beat a blow job.

This family is sitting around the table and the kids have some meat in front of them and dont know wut it is. moms on the phone and says "thanks for givin us the deer meat the kids love it but dont know wut it is". the dad says " the name of the meat is something that ur mom calls me." the little boy says spit it out spit it out sister its asshole.

I WAS on a visit to Vijayawada and staying in a hotel which only served vegetarian food. One evening I wanted a change and asked the waiter where I could find a restaurant which served meat. "For that you have to go to a military hotel," replied the waiter.
I hired a three-wheeler to take him to the cantonment which was a long way away from my hotel. On my return I asked the hotel manager if there was nothing nearer than the cantonment for me to get a non-vegetarian meal. "You need not have gone to the cantonment at all," replied the manager. There are lots of restaurants nearby which would cater to your needs. In Vijayawada all hotels serving meat are known as Military Hotels."

The Eight Worst Convenience Foods

And I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs. ..

8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.

7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.

6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, more...

What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog? Chump chops!

You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.

MEAT -- Terry Bisson

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Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to the commander in chief...

' They're made out of meat!'

'Meat?'

'Meat. They're made out of meat.'

'Meat?'

'There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat.'

'That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars.'

'They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines.'

'So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact.'

'They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.'

'That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient more...