Medicine Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into his doctor and says,"Doc, you gotta help me, I can't remember anything!"The doc asks, "How long have you had this problem?" The guy says, "What problem?"

Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling muchbetter since his operation, but couldn't account for theenormous bump on the back of his head." Oh, that," chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. "Just before youroperation they suddenly ran out of ether!"

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a fieldassignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis ballseverywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered"When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro." The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballseverywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here Igoing to be a professional baseball player." The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things, until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in themiddle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanuton the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand aboutthe others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?" "They're never going to let me out of here," the patientsaid "I'm f**king nuts!"

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a dog was declared cured. A friend asked him how he felt now. The former patient replied, "Fine! Just feel my nose."

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. Was ittrue, the woman wanted to know, that the medication thedoctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked' NO REFILLS.'"

Sobel goes into the optometrist's office. He opens the door and says to the receptionist, "I think I need my eyeschecked." She says, "You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room."