Advanced Jokes

A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, "We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work." An Englishman said, "We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks." The Irishman says, "That's nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another man's body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks." The American says, "Well hell, that's nothin'. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin' for work!"

Advanced medicine.
A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a brain out of one person, put it in another and have him preparing for war in four weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of the desert of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war."

Each fencer shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one sword and the proper protective gear.
Play on the strip must be approved by the owner of the target.
Unlike conventional fencing, the object is to impale the target.
For most effective play, the sword should have a firm, but not sharp, blade.The owner of the target is permitted to check the blade and protective equipment before play begins.
Target owners reserve the right to restrict blade length to avoid damage to the target.
The object of the game is to lunge, recover, lunge, recover until the target owner is satisfied that enough touches have been scored. Failure to do so may result in a black card and being banned from the strip.
It is considered bad form to begin fencing immediately upon arrival at the strip.It is important to engage in certain exercise before fencing.The experienced fencer will check out the entire strip, paying close attention to any elevations present.
Fencers are more...

The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.Time Limit: 3 Days.Write Your Name: ________________________________________(20 point bonus if spelled correctly).1. What language is spoken in Germany? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions - OR - Give the FIRST name of Michael Jordan.3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to____ A. build a bridge____ (b) lead an army or____ (c) WRITE A PLAY4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)____ A. Jewish____ (b) Catholic____ (c) Hindu____ (d) Polish5. Advanced Math: How many feet is 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 12? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)8. What are people in America's far NORTH called? ____ A. Westerners____ (b) Southerners____ (c) NORTHerners9. Spell the name of the current President of the US. (George Bush)_______________________________10. more...

A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work
in six weeks." A German doctor says, "That`s nothing, we can take a lung out of one
person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks." A Russian doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take
half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking
for work in two weeks." The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we
just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and
now half the country is looking for work, and the other half preparing for
war."