Medicine Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two gynecologists meet at lunch. The first one says, "I had a patient this morning witha clit like a dill pickle. The second one says,"That big or that green?" The first one says,"That Sour."

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left reartire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another cargoes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lugnuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab whenhe hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of theinmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the otherthree wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garageor something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizesthe plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that waspretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, notbecause I'm stupid."

After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. "Don't worry," he said, "Just takethis sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow." So he went home feeling better, and went back the next day with his littlebottle. It was empty. The doctor looked at the bottle carefully, " Problems?" he said. "Have I ever had problems, doc.!" the man replied. " I went home andstraight upstairs, and worked at it for over half an hour. Both hands. Itell you doc, my hands got too sore to hold it! I had to get the wifeupstairs and she had a go. But even she, with all her experience, couldn'tdo it. " "So what did you do?" said the doctor. " We had a discussion, and got the mother-in-law involved. I was sureshe'd manage it, but it was no go, even when she used her mouth. And doc, she tried with her teeth more...

A man went to his dentist because he feels somethingwrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago iseroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "allI can think of is that about four months ago my wife madesome asparagus and put some stuff on it that wasdelicious... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now putit on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which ishighly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll makeyou a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Whychrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies,"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate likechrome for the Hollandaise!"

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have badnews and goodnews. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, andwill need helpeating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii. As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said,"Look at the legs among that group." "Sorry old chap." replied the second doctor. "But I'm achest man myself."

A physician, an engineer and a judge were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."

The judge smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"