Medicine Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool? Bob

What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh? A home-sick abortion.

The medical student was asked four reasons why mother'smilk was better for babies than cow's milk. This is the answer he submitted: 1. It's fresher. 2. It's cleaner. 3. The cats can't get to it. 4. It's easier to take on a picnic. He also added: "It comes in such cute containers."

A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."
The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"

A skeleton joke
How do skeletons get their mail?
By bony express!

A vampire joke
What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?
Coffin medicine!

A vampire joke
Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?
It wanted to play squash!

A vampire joke
How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice?
They use extractor fangs!

A vampire joke
What do vampire footballers have at half times?
Blood oranges!

A ghost joke
Where do ghosts get an education?
High sghoul!

A ghost joke
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home!

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one daycomplaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incrediblydumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her togive a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!" The second doctor said,"That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her togive a patient an enema every 24 hours. She triedto give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearlyexploded!"Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream fromdown the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prickMr. Smith's boil!"

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to giveme $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted somemore before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in thedonation center. Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?" Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."