Medicine Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was "war". The first person comes up onto the stage and says, "I'm an atomic bomb." He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, "I'm a hydrogen bomb." Again, there's applause and he steps down. And then a naked little man comes up to the stage and says, "I'm dynamite." Everybody runs away hysterically. When one of them is asked why, he says, "Didn't you see how small his fuse was?"
A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said,"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The badnews is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The goodnews is our hospital has just been certified to do braintransplants and there has been an accident right out frontand a young couple was killed and you can have whicheverbrain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100, 000. 00 and thewoman's brain costs "30, 000. 00." The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a largedifference between the male and the female brain?" The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."
What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day."
What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath? Throw in your laundry.
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insultyou by offering payment. But I would like for you to know thatI had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, andthen added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'dlike to make a little change..."
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining ofdraining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After theexamination, the doctor initiated a conversation that wentas follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L:? eh? D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR! L:? ? EH?? D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!! L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....