Meeting Jokes / Recent Jokes

7 glance = 1 smile

7 smile = 1 meeting

7 meeting = 1 kiss

7 kisses = 1 proposal

7 proposal = 1 marriage -

And that 1 bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!

At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast."

After a lengthy, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. The first man to arrive, however, was a complete stranger.
"You seem to have misunderstood my announcement," the minister said. "This is a meeting of the board."
"Yes, I know," the man replied, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like meet him."

Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?" I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way." "No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the more...

Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.""No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, more...

Easy code system to communicate with other cat owners and with the animal clinic.
Sex:
XFemale, spayed, no interest.
X+Female, spayed, but still interested.
X++Female, intact, but not particularly excitable.
X+++I am a kitten factory.
YMale, neutered, no interest.
Y+Male, neutered, but still interested.
Y++Male, intact, but not particularly excitable.
Y+++I would go through a burning building to get at a female in heat.
Size ("largeness"):
L-I fit easily into your shirt pocket.
L-I can curl up in two cupped hands.
L-I'm somewhere between kitten-sized and average.
LI'm average cat size, just right for your lap.
L+I'm starting to slip off the side of your lap.
L++I'm large enough to make a German Shepherd think twice.
L+++People sometimes mistake me for a mountain lion.
Weight:
W-I'm so thin that you can count my bones.
W-I'm slim, but healthy.
WI'm an average cat, not too thin and not too more...

Dear diary, there just aren't enough hours in the day get everything done in the office. For example:
9:05
Attended meeting to discuss how far we've progressed since the last meeting. A decision was not forthcoming about exactly what we should be carrying forward to the next meeting. The date of the next meeting would be verified after consultation with all parties in attendance - individually - at their convenience.
10:00
Opened mail to discover minutes of a meeting that had absolutely no connection with my work whatsoever. Forwarded the minutes to my boss after entering unsolicited internal mail in relevant statistics column on monthly sheet.
10:30
Checked e-mail and found unsavory message, promising me a money back guarantee and improved circulation. Was helped back to my chair by colleague so that I was able to hit delete button and regain my composure.
11:00
Checked e-mail to find provisional dates for next meeting. Checked my calendar to find I more...