Meeting Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? "I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way." "No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time a t all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the more...
During the ASEAN meeting, all PM of the ASEAN countries were present except for Goh Chok Tong who was represented by LKY. During a conversation, Dr. Mahathir of Malaysia says, "I came up with a bright idea to produce Proton cars and with a initial investment of M$1 billion, we now make M$50 million a year. That is what I call Money Mind." Mr. Suharto of Indonesia says: "I am going to start a car manufacturing plant to produce our National car for only $500 million RP and it will generate $50 RP million a year. Isn't that smarter." LKY of Singapore was not impress and say, "I told my Land Transport Minister to spend SGD$500 to buy a old printing machine and also made SGD$50 million a year." Everybody was taken aback and asks "What the fuck can you do with just SGD$500 only? " And LKY replied "I use the machine to print COE! !!"
You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.
You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.
You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance:
(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor.
(2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.
You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.
You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
The process becomes more important than the product.
You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.
You keep more...
1> Group: Anorexics Anonymous. You: Big chubby guy with an affinity for cheesecake.
2> Only half an hour into the meeting, and the keg's already dry.
3> Counselor greets you with, "Well, if it isn't Princess Pathetic!"
4> Their idea of 12 Steps involves two six-packs.
5> Instead of Mars & Venus, leader suggests you get in touch with Uranus.
6> You're host of the upcoming pool party for your Incontinent Beer-Drinkers Support Group.
7> They've voted to change their name to "Cathie Haters Anonymous."
8> Your Heart Attack Recovery Group counselor hasn't moved in three weeks and is starting to smell a little gamey.
9> Four months and the Nymphomania Group still hasn't recruited a female member.
10> Their 12-step program: "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in, then you shake it all about..."
11> "Parents Without more...
Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINTRun one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINTSBabble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle. Shout random more...
The following are actual postings on Church Bulletin Boards in Churches from all over the USA.
1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies more...
THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8: 05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too? 8: 12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8: 14 am User from 8: 05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11: 00 am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she more...