Meeting Jokes / Recent Jokes

Office work dull?...
None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?...
Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution
ONE-POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" more...

Bullshit Bingo

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a way to change all of that!

How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout, "BULLSHIT!!!"

Synergy
Strategic Fit
Gap Analysis
Best Practice
Bottom Line

Revisit
Bandwidth
Hardball
Out of the Loop
Benchmark

Value-Added
Proactive
Win-Win
Think Outside the Box
Fast Track

Result-Driven
Empower [or] Empowerment
Knowledge Base
Total Quality [or] Quality Driven
Touch Base

Mindset
Client Focus[ed]
Ball Park
Game Plan
Leverage

Testimonials from satisfied players:

"I had only been in the meeting for five minutes whenI more...

Office work dull?...None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?...Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative executionONE-POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" Walk sideways to more...

A Clarification - To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
A Conference - A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.
A Meeting - A mass mulling by master minds.
A Program - Any assignment that can''t be completed by one telephone call.
Action is being taken - Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.
Action please - Get yourself involved for me. Don''t worry, I''ll claim the credit.
Basic agreement has been reached: The @##$%%''s won''t even talk to us.
Channels - be trail left by the interoffice memo.
Consultant (or Expert) - Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.
Coordinator - me guy who has a desk between two expeditors.
Copy to - Here''s a share of the headache.
Essentially complete: It''s half done.
Expedite - To confound confusion with commotion
For your approval, please - Put your more...

President Clinton and Saddam Hussein were having a meeting in Baghdad to discuss a recent crisis.
Halfway through the meeting, Hussein hit a button on his armrest, a fake arm flew out and struck Clinton in the face. A short while later, Hussein hit another button and Clinton ducked, only to be kicked in the butt. Some minutes later, this happened again. An angry Clinton called a break and the two decided to meet again later, this time in Washington.
Hussein arrived in Washington and the two sat down in Clinton's office to resume their meeting. A few minutes into the discussions, Clinton hit a button and Hussein ducked, but nothing happened. Minutes later, Clinton hit another button and Hussein ducked, but again nothing happened.
When this happened a third time, an angry and paranoid Hussein jumped up and yelled, "Enough of this! I am returning to Baghdad immediately!"
Looking at Hussein with a sly smirk, Clinton calmed replied, "What Baghdad?"

John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts." -David Letterman
"John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg." -Jay Leno
"Last week, Senator Kerry was eight points behind President Bush, today he is three points ahead. Is this the kind of indecision we want in a president?" -Announcer in a mock Bush-Cheney ad, "Late Show With David Letterman"
"Kerry scored many points with voters and pundits by finally putting to rest criticism that he's a flip-flopper. Kerry said, 'I have one position on Iraq: I'm forgainst it." -Amy Pohler, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush more...

You know you have been in Russia too long when. ..
You have to think twice about throwing away the empty instant coffee jar.
You carry a plastic shopping bag with you "just in case."
You say he/she is "on the meeting" (as opposed to the more proper "at the" or "in a" meeting).
You answer the phone by saying "allo, allo, allo" before giving the caller a chance to respond.
You save table scraps for the cat(s) living in the courtyard.
When crossing the street, you sprint.
In winter, you choose your route first by determining which icicles are least likely to impale you on the head.
You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga.
You let the telephone ring at least 3-4 times before you pick it up because it is probably a miss-connection or electric fault.
You hear the radio say it is just at or below freezing outside and you think it might be nice day for a change.
You argue with a more...