Meeting Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here`s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
When they`re not looking, pour most of someone`s fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
Ignore the first five people who say `good morning` to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can`t talk right now. Bye."
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don`t want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.
Kneel in more...

TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.
Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 more...

This is a quiz to see if you should be considered a 'professional smart person' by your friends. You can scroll down for answers. There are 4 questions. They are not that difficult.
1)How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator? *
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Answer: Open the door, put in the elephant, and close the door.
*
2)How do you put a giraffe into a refridgerator? *
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*
Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
*
3)The animals are having an animal meeting. All the animals attend except for one. Which one does not attend? *
*
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Answer:The giraffe. The giraffe is in the refridgerator.
*
4)You must cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you manage it? *
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Answer:You swim across. All of the animals are attending the animal meeting.

This is a quiz to see if you should be considered a 'professional smart person' by your friends. You can scroll down for answers. There are 4 questions. They are not that difficult.1)How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator? ****Answer: Open the door, put in the elephant, and close the door.*2)How do you put a giraffe into a refridgerator? ****Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.*3)The animals are having an animal meeting. All the animals attend except for one. Which one does not attend? ****Answer:The giraffe. The giraffe is in the refridgerator.*4)You must cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you manage it? ****Answer:You swim across. All of the animals are attending the animal meeting.

This is a quiz to see if you should be considered a 'professional smart person' by your friends.
You can scroll down for answers. There are 4 questions. They are not that difficult.
1)How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator?
*
*
*
*
Answer: Open the door, put in the elephant, and close the door.
*
2)How do you put a giraffe into a refridgerator?
*
*
*
*
Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
*
3)The animals are having an animal meeting. All the animals attend except for one. Which one does not attend?
*
*
*
*
Answer:The giraffe. The giraffe is in the refridgerator.
*
4)You must cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you manage it?
*
*
*
*
Answer:You swim across. All of the animals are attending the animal meeting.

A union shop steward was addressing the workers at a union meeting...
"I am pleased to advise all of you that we have agreed on a new deal with the management. We will no longer work four days a week."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled.
"We will finish work at 4 PM, not 5 PM."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled again.
We will start work at 10 AM, not 9 AM."
"Hooray!"
"We have a 110% pay increase."
"Hooray!"
"We will only work on Tuesdays."
Suddenly, the crowd fell silent, until a voice from the back asked, "Every Tuesday?"

The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional to its attendance.