Meeting Jokes / Recent Jokes

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

At the local golfclub, some lady members complained to the chairman, about all the male golfers, pissing on almost every tree on the course.



The chairman called an extraordinary meeting of the club management, so that they can discuss this problem.



The meeting took hours. Some heated arguments from all sides took place.



It stopped just short of a fistfight.



At last they came upon an agreement, and it was written into the club constitution, that: "Ladies will henceforth, also be allowed to piss on the course."

15 actual announcements taken from church bulletins: 1. Don't let worry kill you- let the church help. 2. Thursday night- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery upstairs. 5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. 6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 7. Tuesday at 4: 00 p. m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. 9. Thursday at 5: 00 p. m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study. 10. This being more...

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. While still in the lounge I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac. I was meeting with a very important client.

Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "Hello George" at me when I was with my client. He agreed.

Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said, "Hi George, what's happening?"

To which I replied, "F*%& off Gates, I'm in a meeting."

A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours.

Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..."

To All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting. Attached: Extended Job Code ListCode Number Explanation ---------- ----------- 5316 Useless Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks more...

1. This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized in both ends.

2. Tuesday at 4 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk come early.

3. Thursday at 5 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the pastor in his study.

4. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg at the altar.

5. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

6. A bean super will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

7. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Belzer.

8. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

9. Remember more...