Member Jokes / Recent Jokes

Consider the following:
You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants".
Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do
all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
Santa travels a lot.
Yup, Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!

Supplemental Rules for Bowling
If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".
When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.
After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.
When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.
After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair".
If your ball goes in the gutter and more...

Supplemental Rules for Bowling
If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".
When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.
After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.
When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.
After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair".
If your ball goes in the gutter and more...

Supplemental Rules for Bowling If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs". When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance. After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames. When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule. After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair". If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the more...

I see by the size of your member
You're as hot as a blazing coal ember!
So slicken that mast -
And hon, make it fast -
This girl's not been poked since December!

A drunk is staggering down the street with his car keys in his hand, and his member hanging out when he sees a cop. He says, "Officer, Officer somebody stole my car," gesturing with his keys. The officer says, "Where did you have it?" The drunk says, "On the end of this key." The policeman notices that the drunk's member is hanging out and tells him, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The drunk looks down and sees his tool protruding from his pants zipper and says, "Shee-it! They got my girlfriend too."

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them. You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes. You have a' Singer Brother' sewing machine at home. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years. You call an older person you've never met before "uncle". You hide everything from your parents. Your mother does everything for you if you are male. You do all the housework and cooking if you are female. Your relatives alone could populate a small city. Everyone is a family friend. Everyone always called you for help on homework. You read law, medicine or engineering at university. You were thick (i. e. stupid) so you studied accounting or business instead. You know no one who has studied music. You went to a university as far away from home as possible. You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished. Your best friend got married at the age of 16. You only make telephone calls after more...