"Indian Life" joke
There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them. You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes. You have a' Singer Brother' sewing machine at home. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years. You call an older person you've never met before "uncle". You hide everything from your parents. Your mother does everything for you if you are male. You do all the housework and cooking if you are female. Your relatives alone could populate a small city. Everyone is a family friend. Everyone always called you for help on homework. You read law, medicine or engineering at university. You were thick (i. e. stupid) so you studied accounting or business instead. You know no one who has studied music. You went to a university as far away from home as possible. You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished. Your best friend got married at the age of 16. You only make telephone calls after 6pm (discounts) or after 9 p. m. You like the meat well done. You eat onions with everything. You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents. You teach Westerners swearwords in your language. You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you. You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius. You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on". You secure your baggage with a rope. You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up. You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight. You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of... the royal family. You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school. Your Dad drives a GM. You're rich so he drives a Mercedes. (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff... but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go to your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of... each other Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku,(lots more to add here) Your parents call all your friends "Beta" whether they are Indian or not Your parent are panicking if you aren't married and you turn 25 Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can't stand them Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds A horoscope must decide your wedding date Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot" Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried In the smallest... of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone. .. book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals. You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to... anyone YOU know. Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting. Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids. You notice that whenever you go to another Indian's house, your parents always talk about work and business. The second you pull out of someone's driveway, your parents start talking... about them. Every few months your parents say when they're moving back to India No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
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