Members Jokes / Recent Jokes
My grade in ____ should be raised from _____ to ____ because:1. There must be a mistake somewhere.2. I was not well at the time of the examination.3. My mind always goes blank during an examination.4. This mark ruined my prospect of getting a scholarship.5. This is the only course in which I received a poor grade6. This mark grieved my mother (or Father) whose pride I am.7. Conditions in the room were not conductive to concentration.8. The examination was unfair and unfairly distributed over the subject9. I have to work after school and nights; therefore I should be given a break.10. I am married; therefore, I should be given a break.11. I would have done much better if I had taken the examination give to one of the other sections.12. Several people around me copied from my paper during the examination yet they received higher marks than I did. Surely this is not fair.13. The reason I did not do better is because I am very honest. I do no wish to say anything against any other members more...
The story of the Bible (possibly offensive to Christians)Date: 3rd May 0023
TO:
Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
Judea.
Dear Sirs,
It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the highest authority.
However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
That the title of the book be' The Holy Bible' and not as you propose,' Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests paternity. He suggest you utilise the' virgin birth' scenario. Mr. Christ realises more...
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terrible. What’s the problem? ” “My mother died in June, ” he said, “and left me $10, 000. ” “Gee, that’s tough, ” he replied. “Then in July, ” the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $50, 000. ” “Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed. ” “And last month my aunt died, and left me $15, 000. ” “Three close family members lost in three months? How sad. ” “Then this month, ” continued the friend, “nothing! ”
Dear Professor:______________________________Date:________
My grade in _______________ should be raised from __________ to ______ because:
There must be a mistake somewhere.
I was not well at the time of the examination.
My mind always goes blank during an examination.
This mark ruined my prospect of getting a scholarship.
This is the only course in which I received a poor grade
This mark grieved my mother (or Father). whose pride I am.
Conditions in the room were not conductive to concentration.
The examination was unfair and unfairly distributed over the subject
I have to work after school and nights; therefore I should be given a break.
I am married; therefore, I should be given a break.
I would have done much better if I had taken the examination give to one of the other sections.
Several people around me copied from my paper during the examination yet they received higher marks than I did. Surely this is not fair.
The reason more...
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival,
my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship
gave to me:
TWELVE
males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN
pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members
in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in
their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a
note),
TEN
melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,
NINE
persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT
economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN
endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX
enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE
golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced more...
How Many Church Members Does it Take to Change A Light Bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which more...
1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.
2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you,but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?
3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?
4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?
5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!
6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?
7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain more...