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Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.
"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.
"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"
Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary.
"Certainly madam," he replied.
"And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.
The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the more...
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton,
"Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a
quickie!"
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the past
situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.
I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!" She walks
away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton,"Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the currentsituation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche." Sent by Gail
Solitaire '99Here is the README.TXT file from Microsoft's latest software product. Microsoft Solitaire '98README file, v4.3Welcome! Congratulations! Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire '98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!" For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.* Solitaire '98 brings this dream to a blissful reality. System Requirements:- 266 MHz Pentium II or better- 800 megabytes of free hard drive space (2.1 gigabytes recommended)- 128 megabytes of RAM (256 megabytes more...
"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
"I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...
THlS part of the regimental Raising Day celebrations, a formal dinner was being organised in the officers' mess. Since some British ex-officers of the regiment were coming, it was decided that the menu should be an English one. The mess secretary, being a true son of the soil, not only could not quite understand the meaning of hors-d'oeuvres, but found it rather difficult to pronounce. At a meeting to discuss the mess function, the commanding officer asked about the menu for the dinner. The mess secretary brought the house down by proudly announcing,' Sir, we shall begin with the whore!'
International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat. 2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. 3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. 4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily. 5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. 6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. 7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. 8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???). 9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream. 10. On the menu of a more...