Merely Jokes

A guy with a black eye boards a plane bound for Pittsburg and immediately notices that the guy seated next to him has a black eye as well. "What a coincidence," he says to him. "We both have a black eye. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
"Well, it just sort of happened," the second guy answers. "It was merely a Freudian slip. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts I've ever seen was behind the counter. Instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburg, I said I'd like a ticket to Titsburgh. That's when she socked me one."
"Mine was merely a Freudian slip too," replies the first guy. "I was at the breakfast table and wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of cereal'. Accidentally I said, 'You ruined my life you fucking bitch'."

He drank with curvy Mabel, The pace was fast and furious. He slid beneath the table- Not drunk, but merely curious. Martinis, my girl, are deceiving: Take two at the very most. Take three and you're under the table. Take four and you're under the host.
She was a gorgeous girl. And he was a loving male. He praised her shape in English, French, Italian and Braille.

Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.

Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
You don't have detention, you're just one of the"exit delayed."
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
You're not more...