Mexican Jokes / Recent Jokes

A newyorker a redneck and a mexican go in to the bathroom, use it, and start to wash. The mexican and the newyorker start to wash their hands.
The mexican said, "At my school they taught me to use papertowel to dry your hands, so thay get dry"
The newyorker said, "My teacher told me to use the dryers, so we save trees."
At that time, the red neck finishes his 'business' and right before opening the bathroom door, the mexican said, "Gross, man you did not wash your hands!"
The redneck said, "Well, my teacher taught me to not piss on my hands."

During the Mexican/American war, an intense long standoff occured along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled "Hey Juan!"... A soldier jumped up and replied "What?" The general shot him dead. This continued for three days. A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out "Hey John!!" An American replied "John isn't here... is that you Juan?" The Mexican general stood up, "Yeah?!"...

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Theres a Mexican, a Texan, and a Russian on a cruise ship in the Carribean and a waiter walks by with a tray of drinks. The Russian grabs the Vodka and throws it over-board saying, *Ive had enough of THAT at home!* The Mexican grabs the Tequila and throws it over-board exclaiming, *Ive had enough of THAT at home!* The Texan grabs the Mexican and throws him over-board cursing, *Ive had enough of THAT at home!*

Four old cowboys are having a discussion about what is the fastest thing in the world.

First cowboy says, "I believe it's thinking,' cause when you prick your finger or touch a flame, the pain instantly becomes thought and hits the brain."

Second cowboy says, "Well, I think its blinking. When you blink and open your eyes again, you immediately see everything. Nothing is changed."

Third cowboy says, "Well, I think it's light,' cause as soon as you press that light switch, you go from dark to instant light."

Fourth cowboy says, "Well, I think it's the Mexican-two-step diarrhea."

All the others ask simultaneously, "Diarrhea? Why?"

Fourth cowboy says, "I'll explain it to you. I went across the border to a saloon last night and drank a buncha homemade Mexican tequila. On the way home from the saloon, I stopped off at Lupe's cafe and ate two helpings of her Mexican more...

An American couple, vacationing with some friends in Mexico, were shopping at the market for some souvenirs. Time passed, and they realized that neither of them was wearing a watch. They noticed a little Mexican man taking a siesta next to a mule, which happened to have the largest set of mule nuts they had ever seen.
Doing their best to avoid staring at the enormous mule nuts, they asked the little Mexican man if he could tell them what the time was.
The little Mexican man reached his hand under the huge set of mule balls and, lifting them high, said, "It's 3 o'clock."
Amazed by this, the American couple ran off to find their friends to tell them what they had just witnessed. "You aren't going to believe this," they told their friends, "but, there's a little Mexican man over there who can tell the time by lifting his mule's balls!"
Curious, although somewhat skeptical, the friends wanted to see this first-hand, so they went back and asked more...

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! IfI get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jumpoff this building."The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I getburritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bolognasandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef andcabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw aburrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bolognaand jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd knownhow really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would havegiven it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, more...