Miami Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.""I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"

Feggala Rothstein from Chicago decided to go on vacation to Miami in the 1920s.
Upon trying to checking into a nice hotel, the concierge told her, "Sorry, there's no vacancy."
Just then, a man checked out. Feggala then exclaimed, "Good, now you have a room."
"Sorry", the man behind the counter replied, "this hotel is restricted."
"And what does that mean?" she asked him.
"Jews aren't allowed here!"
"Well what makes you think I'm Jewish?" she shot back.
"I know you are!"
"Well, I'm not! I'm a Catholic! " she insisted.
"So tell me, " the man replied, "Did G-d have a son?"
"Sure."
"What was his name?"
"Jesus."
"And where was he born?"
"In Bethlehem, in a stable."
"And WHY was he born there?"
"Because a schmuck like you wouldn't rent his parents a more...

After going 7-6 in 2006, the Miami Hurricanes have been downgraded to the Miami Tropical Depressions for the 2007 season.

lebron james: hey babe after the miami heat basketball game vs the mavericks for the championship what do you wanna do

Dwyane Wade: i was thinking to work at kfc and after that i was thinking for sex is that ok hunny ?

lebron james:yeah i guess is ok because i feel like i wanna get fucked up with u tonight

Dwyane Wade:thats good but first show me your ring and ill show you mine

lebron james : i dont have one:( sorry do you

Dwyane Wade: :( nope me neither ifeel like i wanna cry in your arms hunny

lebron james : me too :(

Immigration opponents plea for help from the Bush administration, saying Cuba's "Ernesto" will take work away from honest, hard-working American Tornados.

President Bush will grant temporary status, saying this storm will do the work American-named storms refuse to do, like ensuring there will never be a sequel to Miami Vice. Ever.

Temperature in Fahrenheit:
+60 Californians put on sweaters.
+50 Miami residents turn on the heat.
+45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
+40 You can see your breath.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming.
+35 Italians cars don't start.
+32 Water freezes.
+30 You plan your vacation in Australia.
+25 Ohio water freezes.
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream.
Canadians go swimming.
+20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.
New York City water freezes.
Miami residents plan vacation further south.
+15 French cars don't start.
Cat insists on sleeping with you.
+10 You need jumper cables to get the car going.
+ 5 American cars don't start.
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 German cars don't start.
Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongues on metal objects.
Miami more...

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY
A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than three years ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of parole.
INSULT TO INJURY
An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the shooting more...