Mid-life Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why do women have mid-life crises? Because Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.

A WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have more...

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream "Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!"

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones. Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks??" In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we more...

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. .. we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the mid-life threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like Splat!)

Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

It's very hard to "get jiggy with more...