Middle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game. One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, "I've been trying to beat you for so long that I'm about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if you're game, I'd like to try to get back all the money I've lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?" The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. "After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?" he thought. Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings more...

A man had just settled into his seat next to the
window on theplane when another man sat down in the aisle seat
and put his blackLabrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the
man.
The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and
asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he is a DEA
agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name
is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get
airborne, when I puthim to work."
The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out,

the agent says:
"Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search".
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and
finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds.

Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's
arm.
The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man
and says: "That more...

Along time ago there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his dad. Looking at his dad's hands, the boy say's "papa, you do many many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers."
"Well Tony," Papa said, "You see this first finger? You usea thisa one to pointata what evea you wanta. You see youa thumb? You usea thisa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa finger, you will use whena you get a married, and your little finga, you use to picka you nose. And the middle finga, well, I'lla tella
you about thata one when you getta married."
Well, Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding, just before the bride and groom left, Tony went to have a talk with Papa. Tony said "Papa, many a year I use this finger to point at what I want, and I turna many a pages with my thumb, I've picked my nose with this little one, now I have a beautiful ring on my finger from the love more...

Sherlock Holmes and his companion Watson are chasing down a criminal and have come to a time in the chase in which it is too late to head back home and too late to keep traveling after him. Considering that they were in the middle of the woods, Holmes, being as smart as he was, figured that this would happen. He had brought along most of the materials that they would need to go camping.
They set up camp, putting up their tent, making a fire to cook and for the warmth. Soon, they thought it best to go to sleep. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up, and immediately wakes up Watson.
After Watson awoke he simply said, "Watson my friend, look up and tell me, what do you see?"
After looking up, Watson replies, "Stars, so many stars out there and so far apart that they truly show us how small and miniscule our planet is to the entire universe. Thus showing, that our planet is miniscule, that we are basically nothing. Truly the trifle things that we go more...

There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott.

They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop for
the
night. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a nice
clear,
wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothing
interesting around, only trees.

They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area,
right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to saty there because
there was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars could
help
to put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500
meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them.

SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, and
stepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep right
smack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wanted
to look at all the more...

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you exercise.