Midlife Jokes / Recent Jokes

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Dave Barry on your husband's midlife crisis: If your husband is exhibiting signs of a midlife crisis, at first you should try to humor him. If he wants to buy a ludicrously impractical sports car, tell him you think it's a terrific idea. If he wants to wear "younger" clothes, help him pick them out. If he wants to start seeing other women, shoot him in the head.

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full.. of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans.. we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like more...

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans... we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back.(It's more like Splat!)

Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" more...

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.
Midlife brings the wisdom that "life throws you curves" and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.
Midlife is more...

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full..of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans..we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like more...