Mike Jokes / Recent Jokes

NICKNAMES:
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
DINING OUT:
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only more...

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, `Mike, you wait here, I`m going to run in for confession, it`s been a long time`. Pat enters the confessional and says,` Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman`. The priest asks, `was it Mrs Murphy`? `no, Father`, was the reply.
`Was it Mrs O`Boyle`? Again the reply was `No, Father`.
`Was it Mrs. O`Grady`? Pat said, Father, I`ll not be teling you the lady`s name!
So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary`s for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, `Well, how did you do`? Pat said, `Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects`!

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996) Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Clemson recruit Ray more...

MEN AND WOMEN COMPARE THE FOLLOWING:

NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32. 50. None of them will have anything smaller,

and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.


BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, comb, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to more...

Jeff and Mike were in an accident, and killed instantly. Upon Jeff's arrival to the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peters replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and a keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell." says Jeff."It's not as it appears to be." says St. Peter. "You
see, the keg has a hole in it, and the blonde doesn't."

Two [ethnics] both worked in the airport, Toronto, filling up the
planes with gas. They had been doing this for a number of
years.
One day, Mike shouted over to Jim, who was away over on
the other wing. "Jim, some of the gas splashed me and I have
found that it has the flavor of our [ethnic] screech, try it!"
He does, and yells back, "Lets take some in our thermoses!"
So they filled their thermoses and shortly went home.
After a couple of hours,
Mike phoned his buddy, to ask how he was doing with the
booze?
He replied "Fantastic, Mike"
Mike then warned Jim,
"What ever you do, don't fart! I'm phoning you from Calgary!"

These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair more...