Mike Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were three men named nick, mike, and james, they had to save there selfs by wishing for something after jumping off a cliff. the first one was nick and he jumped off and said out loud MARSHMELLOWS AND LOTS OF THEM! and he landed safely. the second one was mike he jumped and said PILLOWS AND LOTS OF THEM! and he landed safely. last was james but when he got to the edge he jumped off and saw the drop and he yelled HOLY SHIT! and landed safely in a pile of gold glowing shit.

Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!

Pat and Mike are playing golf one day and Pat hits a hook off the tee into a deep ravine running alongside the fairway. He goes down into the ravine to look for his ball while Mike takes the cart over to the other side of the fairway.After a while, Mike realizes that he hasn't seen Pat in quite some time so he goes back over to the ravine. Looking down, he sees his partner sitting on the ground shaking uncontrollably. Next to him is a skeleton clutching a seven iron with a golf ball next to his feet.Mike descends into the ravine and helps Pat stand up. After he composes himself, Pat says "What do you think we should do?""Well," says Mike, "I sure don't think you want to use your seven iron."

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Mike's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Mike, "Vat sims to be ze problem?" Mike says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go "tick-tock-tick-tock" anymore. Now it just goes "tick... tick... tick." The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice... Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?
JACK: 7 years old
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?
JACK: 9 years old
TEACHER: That's impossible!
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.
TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.
MIKE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Mike !!!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: No.
COOL STUDENT: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.
ALFRED: Me !!!
TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.
STUDENT: You more...

TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday? JACK: 7 years oldTEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday? JACK: 9 years oldTEACHER: That's impossible! JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.MIKE: Here it is ! TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Mike !!! TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes sir.TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave? STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: No.COOL STUDENT: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.ALFRED: Me !!! TEACHER: Are you chewing gum? BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.STUDENT: You can't fool me teacher! Snakes don't have feet !!! HYGIENE TEACHER: How do you prevent deseases more...