Military Jokes / Recent Jokes
NASHVILLE, TN — With sales of "God Bless The U.S.A." waning after a five-month surge, country singer Lee Greenwood urged the U.S. to take military action against Iraq Monday. "Saddam Hussein is a despot with strong ties to terrorism, and his regime must be toppled," Greenwood said.
"Unfortunately, our best chance of doing so is to send brave young American soldiers into dangerous, emotionally stirring combat situations."
Greenwood added that he would probably be willing to perform his signature hit for the troops during a live CBS special if asked.
A US Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, “How long has your present employer been in business?” He thought for a moment, and then wrote, “Since 1776.”
Three Generals got pensioned at the same time and they had a farewell party in NY. As a farewell present the men had got a sponsor to sponsor money for the Generals.
The idea was: “Give two points on your body, we will measure the difference between thw points and for every foot you will get 1000 USD”.
The Air force General “The top of my head and the botton of my feet” This was measured 6 feet 2? and he got 6000USD.
The Navy General streched his hand to the left and his foot to the right said “My left forefinger and my right big toe”. The distance was 8 feet and he got 8000 USD.
The Infanatry General: “From my nose to my dick! ” Everyone was astonished but he said “masure. ” The guy with the measuring tape: “But were is your Dick?? ”
General “In Viet-Nam! ”
During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was. After everyone had answered, he sneered and said "you are all wrong, the army is now your home". Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say "you bet I do" the sergeant replied, "men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?
The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:
"Dear Mary, I can not remember which one is you... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!"
A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One United States Marine is better than ten Iraqis!"
The Iraqi commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then
silence.
The voice then calls out "One United States Marine is better than one hundred Iraqis!"
Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge firefight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out again "One United States Marine is better than one thousand Iraqis!"
The enraged Iraqi Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. eventually one wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, more...
A man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army."But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?""Sure," replied the man."Well, won't they find out?"The man shrugged, "But who'd tell?"