Military Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave without washing up. The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!!!"

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, "Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!" He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!"

"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, “Why do you want to join the Navy, son?”“My father said it'd be a good idea, sir.”“Oh? And what does your father do?”“He's in the Army, sir.”

A career military man, who had retired as a corporal,
was telling the younger men how he handled officers
during his years of service.
"It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General,
an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I always told
those guys exactly where to get off.
"Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young
soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?"
"Elevator operator in the Pentagon."

Heard over The US Armed Forces Radio Station, Okinawa, in 1959.

"HELLLLLLOOOOOO Okinawa!!!!!

For all you civilian employees the time is now 4:30.

For you guys in the Army and Air Force that's 1630 hours.

For you guys in the Navy that's 8 bells.

For you Marines.....the big hand is on the 6 and the little hand is right in between the 4 and 5."

Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.The first Marine said "those are deer tracks."The second Marine said "No, those are elk tracks."The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus more...