Mirror Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is a mirror in a women's restroom in a restauraunt. If you say something truthful while looking into the mirror, you will receive 1 wish. If you say some that's not truthful the mirror will suck you in.
First this fine looking brunette walks in. She takes a look at herself in the mirror and says, "I think I'm the prettiest women in the world." And just like that she's sucked in.
Next this amazingly beautiful redhead women saunters in, looks in the mirror, and says, "I think I'm the prettiest women in the world." Of course, the mirror sucks her in.
Next this fine looking, pencil thin black-haired women walks in, looks at herself in the mirror, and says, "I think I'm the prettiest women in the world." She's sucked into the mirror with the rest of them.
Then the cutest little blonde you've ever seen walks in, looks at herself in the mirror, and says, "I think..." And she's sucked in herself.

Joe was moderately successful in his career of choice, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by remarkably painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
The doctor said, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was, of course, both shocked and depressed. He indeed wondered if he even had anything to live for at this point. Yet, he immediately decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital his mind was at long last clear, but naturally he felt like he more...

A guy, returning home from a trip, noticed that his wife's breasts were larger, so he asked her what she had done.
She replied, "I said mirror mirror, on the wall, make my breasts DD and it happened."
The guy went and stood in front of the mirror, and said, "Mirror mirror, on the wall, make my penis touch the ground."
His legs fell off!

Two blondes, Carol and Sandi, were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
Sandi said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact. Sandi looked in the mirror and said, "DUH, you idiot, it's me!"

According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of middle school girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there more...

10. Your tinted windows are more commonly known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
8. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk."
7. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
5. Traffic Watch alerts other drivers which highway you're taking.
4. The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not Included."
3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
2. The only restaurants you can go to are those offering Valet Pushing.
1. Whenever you pass hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.

Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty. Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Cheerleader or if she is PMS’ing: sees fat/pimples/UGLY. (Mom I can’t go to school looking like this!) Age 20: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too/short/too tall, too straight/too curly”- but decides she’s going anyway. Age 30: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly” but decides she doesn’t have time to fix it, so she goes anyway. Age 40: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/ too thin, too short/to tall too straight/too curly”- but says: “At least I’m clean” and goes anyway. Age 50: Looks at herself and sees “I am” and goes where ever she wants to. Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can’t even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and more...