Misc Jokes / Recent Jokes
Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100.00 bill.
Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change."
"Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?"
"Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector.
"While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?"
"Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked.
Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
"A what?" asked the collector.
"A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance.
"What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked.
"Well just as the name more...
MORE REJECTED CHILDRENS BOOK TITLES:
1. Juggling Knives is Easy
2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven
3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things
4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want
5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase
6. 101 Games to Play in the Road
7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Divingboard is the Flusher
8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork
9. POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games
10. Arthur Gets Hunted
11. Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi
12. Monsters Killed Grandpa
13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" Mrs.Clause is your real Mom
14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul
15. All Guns Squirt Water
16. When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street
17. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite
18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain
19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish
20. 101 recipies to make with Dog
21. If more...
Post a message asking how to post messages.Lead a tireless crusade for the creation of newsgroups with silly names like alt.my.butt.is.hairy.Put 4 addresses, 5 lines of "Geek Code", 6 ASCII-art bicycles, a PGP key, and your home phone in your signature.Post recipes on rec.pets.cats.Post a compendium of old articles from a thread that died months ago with a title such as "** HAS JOE SMITH FORGOTTEN HIS LIES? **"Post a 56-part binary MPG file of your dog throwing up to news.answers. Announce that you screwed it up and repeat.Ask readers of rec.music.misc to post their favorite Zeppelin tune "for a poll".Reacquaint the readers of rec.humor with the "two-strings-go-in-a-bar" joke.Determine a perversion so bizarre or obscure that it doesn't yet have its own sex group.Post your new "War Heroes of India" FAQ to soc.culture.pakistan.Start this week's new AOL virus rumor.Post elaborate conspiracy theories to talk.politics.misc detailing how ATF more...
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd.
"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can.
"I can do that!" Ed said confidently.
"No you can't," said Ted.
"I sure as hell can!" said Ed.
"You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted.
"Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.
The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the more...
Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola Bottling Group (NYSE PBG) as a power beverage, suitable for use as-is, or a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do."
Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests:
"It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."