Miss Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!"
Teacher says "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."
Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says "No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about a wank."

A blonde is taking a test for a job. The examiner asks some questions for general culture.
"Do you know miss which is the boiling temperature of water?"
"I am not sure"
"Miss, either you know it or you don't know it"
"I am not sure"
"The boiling temperature of water is 100 degrees!"
"Mmmm. I see. It's the right angle that boils at 90 degrees!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!"Teacher says "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."Little Johnny says "No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about a wank."

My other wife is beautiful.

My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it.

My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

My wife says if I go fishing one more time she’s going to leave me. Gosh, I’m going to miss her.

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. - PJ O’Rourke

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac

Nothing says loving like marrying your cousin! - Al Bundy

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

When ladies engage in thrust and counterthrust, verbal that is, the pointed barbs may be more delicate but they are no less deadly.
Most of her adversaries learned that it was dangerous to challenge Dorothy Parker, but there were many foolhearty ones who tried. On one occasion Miss Parker and Clara Booth Luce met in front of a revolving door. The poetic Miss Parker, who was both in a daze and in a hurry, entered first.
"After you, my dear," purred Mrs. Luce, "age before beauty, you know"
"Yes", replied Miss Parker, "and pearls before swine."

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain more...

Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"