Missionary Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old joke, so old I don't remember the source - sorry :)
There was this white missionary working in the jungles of Africa with a
local tribe there.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief got pregnant and eventually
gave birth. The Chief was utterly shocked when he found out that
the baby was a white boy. He was really confused so he decided to
pay a visit to the missionary.
"Father, my wife gave birth to a baby"
"Why, that's a very good news, Chief. Congrats"
"But Father, it is a white boy!?!?!?"
The missionary thinks for sometime and in a deep voice replies,
"Well Chief, sometimes nature does work in some strange ways...
The other day I was taking a stroll along the mountain side
and I saw this beautiful black sheep in a herd of white
sheep.."
The Chief looked very surprised and was silent for a moment
before he spoke,
"Okay Father, here's the deal. You tell no one, and more...

A missionary visited a small village in a remote jungle and began preaching the gospel.
"Jesus saves!" exclaimed the missionary. "Bawana!" shouted the natives.
"Ye must be baptized!" exclaimed the missionary. "Bawana!" shouted the natives
"Donate tithes and offerings!" exclaimed the missionary. "Bawana!" shouted the natives.
Having had such a successful time, the missionalry inquired of the chief as to how he could go to the next village, to share the gospel with them too.
The chief replied, "You go down road one thousand paces, you turn right, climb over wall made of rocks, run across field. Many bulls in field, you run fast, but be careful not step in bawana."

A young missionary had just taken up a new post in a remote Maori village. The young man was the first white man to set foot in the area in quite some time.
Upon entering the village he was quite distressed at the liberal attitude towards sexual practices and began to preach chastity to his new flock with a vengence.
10 months later the daughter of the chief gives birth to a white baby. As the missionary is the only white man around the chief furiously confronts him.
"You preach chastity to me and all the time you are doing the devils work with my daughter. I'm going to kill you, you hypocrite."
"No it wasn't me" stammered the missionary "It's just a freak of nature."
"Oh sure! A black woman gives birth to a white baby and you're the only white man for miles and you call it a freak of nature. Now I'm going to kill you slowly."
"No, it's true" responded the missionary. "It's called an albino. These sort of more...

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?" The laughing missionary said, "I just peed in their soup!"

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender." The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?" The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder. .. those are friars!"

A man lost in the dessert for 2 weeks, finally spots a small oasis and is able to just crawl up to it
before collapsing. The resident missionary finds him just in time, and slowly nurses him back to
health.
Fully recovered the grateful guy wants to get back to civilization and asks his benefector, "Could I
borrow your horse, and give it back later, or possibly leave it for you in the next town?
The missionary says, "Surely, you may, but there's one special thing about my horse. Instead of
' giddiup' you have to say `Thank God' to make him go... and you have to say' Amen' to make him stop.
He won't respond to `whoa.'"
Not paying all that much attention, our hero says, "Sure, OK," and he mounts the horse and starts off
with an initial "Thank God." The horse starts walking slowly when our impatient hero repeats, "Thank
God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Encouraged by this, the guy more...

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, more...