Missionary Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?" The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, ok." So he gets On the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he say, "Thank God, thank God, " and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man say, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank more...

AN old chieftain was being evangelised by a missionary. Noting that the men had the habit of filing their teeth to sharp points, the missionary put emphasis on the' Thou Shalt Not'. The aged chieftain listened, patiently.

'You mean that I must not take my neighbour's wife.'

'That's correct,' said the missionary.

'Or his oxen, or his elephants.'

'That's right.'

'Or I must not dance the war dance and then ambush him on the road and kill him.'

'So right.'

'Then I can become a good Christian sighed the chieftain,' for I cannot do any of these things. I am old.'

Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very
hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a
huge fire under it, and leave them there.

A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."

There`s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say `Thank God` to make it go and `Amen` to make it stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, more...

A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with atribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write andgood Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil ofsexual sin.? Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!? One day the wife of one of the Tribe? s noblemen gives birth to a white baby. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with themissionary. You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman givesbirth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot inour village. Anyone can see what? s going on here!? The missionary replies,? No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What youhave here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thyyonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one blackone. Nature does this on occasion.? The chief pauses for a moment then says,? Tell you what, you don? t sayanything about the sheep, I more...

A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT

The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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INTRODUCTION

The more...