Mistake Jokes / Recent Jokes
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being cooperative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When more...
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. He arrived at the new business site and read the card, "Rest in Peace".
Angry, he called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, Congratulations on your new location"
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this!
Q: What did God say after he created woman?
A: Oh crap... I made made another mistake!
An engineer died & was sent to hell by mistake.
Life in hell was very uncomfortable, so the engineer decided to install air conditioning,
lifts, flush toilets & a host of other modern conveniences.
One day God rang Satan to ask how things were in hell.
"Great!" replied Satan.
"Our engineer has made all kinds of improvements down here."
"What are you doing with an engineer!"
thundered God.
"That engineer must be sent up to heaven immediately or I'll sue!"
"Oh really?" replied Satan.
"And just where do you intend to find a lawyer
One day a Pope and a lawyer die. They arrive at the Pearly Gates together and are ushered in. Angel Gabriel accompanies them with much fanfare on his trumpet.
Gabriel leads the two along a huge corridor lined with doors. After a while he stops at one of the doors and opens it. He tells the Pope, ''this is your room, I hope it is satisfactory''. The Pope sees that the room has a bed, chair, desk and a small radio/TV.
Gabriel then leads the lawyer to the end of the hall, and stops at a huge double-doorway. He opens the massive door and the lawyer is stunned to see a kingsize waterbed, a pool table, a massive home entertainment unit and a well stocked wine bar. The lawyer gasped when told that this was his room. ''There must be some mistake!'' exclaimed the lawyer. ''Surely a room so grand as this would be reserved for someone like the Pope''.
Angel Gabriel turned to the lawyer and said, ''Oh, no, there is no mistake. We have dozens of Popes. But you are our first lawyer!!''
Make no mistake about it: Computers process numbers - not symbols. We measure our understanding (and control) by the extent to which we can arithmetize an activity.
THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now. To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs. To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know more...