Mistakes Jokes / Recent Jokes
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Johnny's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper.
"This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes."
"One person didn't," replied Little Johnny defensively. "My father helped me."
“Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another? ” a parishioner asked his minister.
“Definitely not, ” was the preacher’s answer.
“Are you absolutely certain? ”
“Yes, my son, absolutely. ”
“Okay. In that case, I wonder if you’d mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year? ”
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
-- Vice President Al Gore
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation`s history. I mean in this century`s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn`t live in this century."
-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95
"It isn`t pollution that`s harming the environment. It`s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Vice President Al Gore
"[It`s] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
-- Vice President Al Gore
"We`re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may more...
40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...