Mister Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a rich man was looking for a gift for his daughter. He saw a beautiful white horse who was owned by a poor man. He offered $500 for it, but the poor man replied,
"
I don't know mister it don't look so good."
The next day the rich man offered $1000 for the horse. But the poor man replied,
"
I don't know mister it don't look so good."
The next day the rich man offered $2000 and said he wouldn't take no for an answer. the poor man finally agreed.
The rich mans daughter loved her present. She jumped right on the horse and galloped right into a tree. The rich man went back to the poor man and demanded an explanation for the horses blindness. But the poor man only replied,
"
I told you mister, It don't look so good!"

My 75 year old Dad was taking his daily walk through the park when he heard a tiny voice calling to him. "Hey, mister! Pssst, mister!" Dad looked all around, and spotted a little frog sitting in the grass looking up at him.

"Hey mister," said the frog. "A wicked witch cast a spell on me, and turned me into an ugly frog. If you'll just kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."

Dad reached down, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket, and proceeded to walk on. The frog called out to him again, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said if you'll kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."

Dad replied, "I heard you, but at my age, I'd rather just have a talking frog!"

Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.

When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train.

When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help.

TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.

So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

Woody: “What’s shakin’ mister Peterson? ”
Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins. ”
Woody: “How’s it goin’ Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearin’ Milkbone underwear. ”
Woody: “Can I draw you a beer Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “I know what they look like, just give me one. ”
Woody: “What’s goin’ down Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “My butt on that stool. ”
Norm: “I’m the ideal weight for someone 10 feet tall. ”
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach…. Of course, beer is my life.
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, more...

My 75 year old Dad was taking his daily walk through the park when he heard a tiny voice calling to him. "Hey, mister! Pssst, mister!" Dad looked all around, and spotted a little frog sitting in the grass looking up at him."Hey mister," said the frog. "A wicked witch cast a spell on me, and turned me into an ugly frog. If you'll just kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."Dad reached down, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket, and proceeded to walk on. The frog called out to him again, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said if you'll kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."Dad replied, "I heard you, but at my age, I'd rather just have a talking frog!"

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?"

"Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It's disfigured."

"Well, how bad is it? Can I see?"

"Follow me, sir."

They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.

Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"

The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."

They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.

Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?"

"No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me."

Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all.

"Oh my God! more...

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"