Mister Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?"The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again.""So, what the hell is the problem?""Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?"The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again.""So, what the hell is the problem?""Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"
Americans and Russians were competing who would go to the moon and build more on it. The minister comes to the American president: Mister President, the Russians have already launched their spaceship!
President: Yes, yes, let them! A few days later: Mister President, the Russians have already landed on the moon!
President: Yes, yes, calm down! In a week: Mister President, it's the Russians, the started painting the moon red!
President: That's fine, just fine! In a month: Mister President, the Russians have painted half the moon red, we'd better do something too!!
President: No, no, don't worry! In two months: Mister President, the Russians have finished painting the moon, the whole moon is red now!!
President: That's great, now send our spaceship up there to write Coca-Cola on it!
A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "Little boy, what are you doing?"
The boy replied, "I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister."
Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, "Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?"
The boy answered, "Oh no Mister, I can't make Bill Clinton."
"But why not?" asked the man.
The boy replied "Well, Mister, there isn't enough here to make Bill Clinton."
Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?" "Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It's disfigured." "Well, how bad is it? Can I see?" "Follow me, sir." They head down a restricted corridor and come to the firstdoor. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms. Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please." They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs. Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?" "No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me." Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all." Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?" "Not your child, sir. Follow me." One more room left in the hall. more...
This guy is just starting off his career as a ventriliquist and he's going around town looking for a job. He finds one at a local nightclub.
So, on his first night, he's going through his normal routine of blonde jokes. All of a sudden, this blonde stands up in the fourth row and says, "Excuse me, mister, but no physical attribute of mine affects my mental capability!"
The guy is flabbergasted. He stands up and tries to apologize, but is cut off when she says, -
"You stay out of this, mister. I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that jerk on your knee!"
This guy is just starting off his career as a ventriliquist and he's going around town looking for a job. He finds one at a local nightclub.So, on his first night, he's going through his normal routine of blonde jokes. All of a sudden, this blonde stands up in the fourth row and says, "Excuse me, mister, but no physical attribute of mine affects my mental capability!"The guy is flabbergasted. He stands up and tries to apologize, but is cut off when she says, -"You stay out of this, mister. I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that jerk on your knee!"
One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheerleading near first base.
The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"
"Don't you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.
Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"
"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.
Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit! I missed!"
A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says "Dammit! I missed!"