Mister Jokes / Recent Jokes

My 75 year old Dad was taking his daily walk through the park when he heard a tiny voice calling to him. "Hey, mister! Pssst, mister!" Dad looked all around, and spotted a little frog sitting in the grass looking up at him." Hey mister," said the frog. "A wicked witch cast a spell on me, and turned me into an ugly frog. If you'll just kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful." Dad reached down, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket, and proceeded to walk on. The frog called out to him again, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said if you'll kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful." Dad replied, "I heard you, but at my age, I'd rather just have a talking frog!"

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?""Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It's disfigured.""Well, how bad is it? Can I see?""Follow me, sir."They head down a restricted corridor and come to the firstdoor. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms. Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs. Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?""No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me."Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all."Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?""Not your child, sir. Follow me."One more room left in the hall. Mister Smith more...

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks mister,"the boy says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner, " the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "Little boy, what are you doing?"

The boy replied, "I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister."

Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, "Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?"

The boy answered, "Oh no Mister, I can`t make Bill Clinton."

"But why not?" asked the man.

The boy replied "Well, Mister, there isn`t enough here to make Bill Clinton."

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!" The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister" says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'

THIS BLIND MAN WALKS INTO A BAR AND FINDS HIS WAY TO A SEAT...
HE SITS THERE AND ORDERS A DRINK...
A LITTLE BIT AFTER THAT HE LOOKED IN THE BARTENDERS WAY AND SAID YOU WANT TO HEAR A BLONDE JOKE?...
THE LADY NEXT TO HIM SAID IN A DEEP HUSKY VOICE SAID" MISTER THERE ARE 5 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BFORE YOU TELL THAT JOKE...
1 THE BARTENDERS A BLONDE GIRL...
2 THE BOUNCER IS A BLONDE GAL...
3 I AM A 6fT TALL 200POUND BLONDE GIRL THAT HAS A BLACK BELT IN KAROTE...
4 THE LADY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOU IS A BLONDE AND IS A PROFESINOAL WIEGHT LIFTER...
5 THE LADY BEHIND YOU IS A BLONDE AND IS A PROFESIONAL WRESTLER...."
" NOW MISTER ARE DO YOU STILL WANT TO TELL THAT JOKE "
THE BLIND MAN SIT THERE THAN SAID"NAH... NOT IF IM GOING TO HAVE TO TELL IT 5 TIMES "

One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheerleading near first base.

The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"

"Don't you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"

"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit! I missed!"

A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says "Dammit! I missed!"