Mister Jokes / Recent Jokes

Note: to fully appreciate this, you need to know about the 1960's television show, Mister Ed.
As the scene opens, Mister Ed is in the barn, reading the paper when Wilbur comes in...
Wilbur; Hi there, Ed! What are you up to?
Ed; Well, Willllbur I was just reading in the paper where in Pakistan they executed a horse for killing a man.
Wilbur; Gee, Ed, that's awful - what did they do to execute the horse?
Ed; Well, they have this special gallows that allows them to hang the horse by the neck and the tail, and that kills 'em.
Wilbur; Gosh Ed, that sounds brutal. I hope I'm never hung like a horse!
Ed; That's not what your wife says Willlbur!

Boot camp. Duluth, Minnesota. February. Six A.M. Six below zero.
The Sergeant bellows, "Outta those bunks! Birthday suit inspection! I want you
(deleted) to fall in outside, NOW! Buck nekkid! Stand close enough to make the
man in front of you smile! MOVE, YOU #@$$&*s!"
The barracks quickly empty, the men fall in and shiver at attention.
The Sergeant hollers, "LOOSEN RANKS!"
The ranks separate a bit. The Captain approaches, carrying a swagger stick.
With the stick, he swats one of the men across the chest.
"Did that hurt, Mister?" the Captain demands.
"No, SIR!" the recruit shouts.
"Why not?" barks the Captain.
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!"
The Captain nods, and moves on down the front rank a bit. He whacks another man
across the butt.
"Did that hurt, Mister?"
"No, SIR!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, more...

There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.
Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them, "What's the Purple Wombat?"
"You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children.
"Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the chldren shouted. "Billy doesn't know what the Purple Wombat is!"
The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered more...