Model Jokes / Recent Jokes

An astronomer on an extended lecture tour became weary of delivering the same lecture night after night. He confided this state of mind to his chauffeur as they were driving to their next destination. The chauffeur expressed a similar boredom in his line of work.

"I've got it!" said the astronomer. "You are bored with driving and I'm weary of lecturing. Let's exchange places for one night. It will be a refreshing change for both of us. My lecture is all written out word for word and nobody in the next town knows me by sight anyway."

The driver agreed and the exchange of roles and dress was made. That night, the lecture hall filled to capacity. At the appointed time those in attendance heard a flawlessly delivered lecture. At its conclusion the lecturer basked in the euphoric applause. Then came the question and answer period.

"Who discovered Uranus?" came from a boy in the front.

"Uh, William more...

There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
His model showed up and, after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother, since he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do.""Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife! Quick! Take all your clothes off!"

Avoid models that stall during use.
Check the odo(ur)meter regularly.
Avoid completely blocking the air intake.
Take care not to allow too much steam or moisture to build up when away from home.
Keep locked in the garage when not in use.
Ensure any problems are clearly expressed on the facia.
Check for pulling attachments.
Security: ensure no Joy riders can get their hands on it.
If necessary, fit an alarm.
See if the coil needs replacing.
Take it for a good thrash around
Are you allowed to take passengers with this model?
Watch out for nasty emissions.
Keep all leather accessories in order.
If necessary, fit a silencer.
Or use the choke and throttle properly.
For your own safety, never attempt to handle when drunk.
Check the hooters. If necessary, give it the horn.
Verify that airbags come out when required. Fit extra padding if necessary.
NEVER let your friends have a go.
Never make the mistake of more...

A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.
Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, 'Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move.'
The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model.'
Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant.
The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, 'I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back.'
The blonde replies, sweetly, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model' - and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, more...

Subject: If cars were *really* like computers

What if cars really were like computers? You'd have a helpline to assist in solving problems as they came up... Now just imagine if the same people that answer the phones at Microsoft had to answer the General Motors helpline...

HelpLine:' General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'

Customer:' I can get in through the driver's side door just fine, but I can't open the passenger's side.'

HelpLine:' How did you try to open the passenger's side?'

Customer:' I pulled up on the handle, just like on the other side.'

HelpLine:' People are always making that mistake. You have to push on the passenger's side. Remember, you're always moving the handle toward the left of the car. It's more consistent that way.'

HelpLine:' General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'

Customer:' How do I turn my windshield wipers on?'

HelpLine:' There's a little button more...

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother, that he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and
close, then some familiar footsteps. "Oh my God !!!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife! Quick !!! Take all your clothes off."

One day, there was this lady walking up the street, she was dressed in her best outfit because she was about to visit her fian-ce. As she walked through the park, she saw some guys, they said "hey miss, nice dress you got there", "thanks" she replied... so she kept walking
When she was about to turn inher boyfriend's street, she saw her worse enemy, it was a tall, totally hot model, and she though "damn, here she comes" the model waved at her and approached her rapidly... and she said "hey nice dress you have there!" she was surprised at her kindness and said in a low voice "thank you, nice dress you have too"
the model said, "oh yes, i know". Then she kept walking... and left her sight