Model Jokes / Recent Jokes

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house.
After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week. Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away.
"There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."
"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."
"What about your husband? asked the model. "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris.
"Good," said the more...

Ok, I'm going to get a lot of hate mail for this one... What's the definition of the perfect woman? She's three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth, and her head is flat so you can put a can on it. The sports model has pull back ears and her teeth fold in. The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.

According to the New York Post, model Christie Brinkley separated from her fourth husband Peter Cook after learning he was seeing his 19-year-old assistant, Diana Bianchi.
When Brinkley confronted Cook about whether he was dating a teenager, he responded with a text message saying, "u r like hella paranoid. chill out. TTYS."

A super model walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had
to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how
it happened?
The super mode said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck
the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't
want to ruin it.
So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too
long ago, and I don't want to ruin it!
Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had breasts enlarged, and I
don't want to ruin them!
So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!

Saturday, November 8, 1997
Veteran Pillsbury spokes model Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 4:50 for about 20 minutes.

There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother, as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
"Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife, Quick! Take all your clothes off."

Sister Margaret was a model nun all of her life, until she was called to get her just rewards. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said "Hold on, Sister Margaret...not so fast!"
"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath... I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
"That is precisely the problem," replied St. Peter, "...you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong".
"Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded.
"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then." ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, more...