Molecule Jokes

Iron the Red Atom Molecule
(to the tune of "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer")

There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine
Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine
But do you recall
the most famous element of all?

Iron the red atom molecule
had a very shiny orbital
And if you ever saw him
You'd enjoy his magnetic glow
All of the other molecules
used to laugh and call him Ferrum
They never let poor Iron
join in any reaction games.
Then one inert Chemistry eve
Santa came to say
Iron with your orbital so bright
won't you catalyze the reaction tonight?
Then how the atoms reacted
and combined in twos and threes
Iron the red atom molecule
you'll go down in Chemistry!

Austin, Texas - Nothing's too small for politicians to debate. Even molecules. Rep. Scott Hochberg, D-Houston, apparently thought his idea of making Rice University's Nobel Prize-winning "buckyball" the official Texas molecule would glide through the Legislature unopposed.
But Hochberg, a Rice alum and an electrical engineer tutored in the arguments of science, should have known better.
University of Texas chemist Jonathan Sessler has another candidate for the Texas title: his Texaphyrin, a 9-year-old, engineered molecule undergoing tests as a delivery system for anti-cancer drugs.
For one thing, Sessler says buckyballs - the whimsically nicknamed form of carbon discovered by Rice chemists Rick Smalley and Robert Curl - belong to nature and, therefore, aren't specifically Texan. Sessler, on the other hand, designed his Texaphyrin, for which a patent is pending, in the shape of a two-dimensional Frisbee with a five-point Lone Star in the middle of more...

Trial Of The Century Transcript Reveals Objectionable Methods By Dave Barry, Sunday, March 19, 1995 TRANSCRIPT, TRIAL OF THE CENTURY, DAY 257BAILIFF: Hear ye, hear ye, the court is now in sess... DEFENSE: Objection, your honor. JUDGE: To what? DEFENSE: Nothing, your honor. We're just warming up. PROSECUTION: Your honor, the people would like to state that we also have no objections at this time. DEFENSE: Objection, your honor. Every time the defense says some- thing, the prosecution always feels it has to say something. PROSECUTION: The people do not. DEFENSE: Do too. PROSECUTION: Do not. DEFENSE: Do too. DEFENDANT: OK, stop, I confess! I'm guilty! JUDGE (sternly): Order in the court! (To prosecution): Proceed. PROSECUTION: Where were we? JUDGE (checking his notes): You were on "Do not." PROSECUTION: Oh, right, thanks. Do not. DEFENSE: Your honor, the prosecution is clearly jealous of the defense because we have a lot of marquee legal talent such as F. Lee Bailey and the more...

I probably shouldn't admit this to you younger readers, but when my generation was your age, we did some pretty stupid things. I'm talking about taking CRAZY risks. We drank water right from the tap. We used aspirin bottles that you could actually open with your bare hands. We bought appliances that were not festooned with helpful safety warnings such as "DO NOT BATHE WITH THIS TOASTER".
But for sheer insanity, the wildest thing we did was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates.
I know, I know. It was wrong. But we were young and foolish, and there was a lot of peer pressure. You'd be at a party, and there would be a lava lamp blooping away, and a Jimi Hendrix record playing (a "record" was a primitive compact disc that operated by static electricity). And then, when the mood was right, somebody would say: "You wanna do some 'drates?" And the next thing you know, there'd be a bowl of pretzels going around, or crackers, or more...