Mom Jokes / Recent Jokes

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Once again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "This is nonsense. Come on, Dick, let's go."

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"
The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"
The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"
The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"
Jane says "No."
"Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor.
"No." says Jimmy's mom.
The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?"
Again Jane says "No."
"Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor.
"No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin... shouldn't I do something?"
To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."

> Dear Dad,
>
> Hi, How are you and Mom? $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of
> friend$
> and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of
> anything
> I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love
> to hear from you.
> Love,
> Your $on
The Reply:
>
> Dear Son,
>
> I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even
> an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a
> NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
> Lovingly
> Mom & Dad

Nhan Le An American GI was fighting in Vietnam. One day he received 2 letters from home, one letter comes from his mom asking for his picture, one letter comes from his girl friend also asking for his picture. He had only 1 picture that he took at a beach standing naked. He didn't know what to do so he decided to cut the picture into two, the top half he sent to his girl friend. The bottom half he sent to his mom because he knew his mom had a poor eyesight, she wouldn't know. When his mom received the bottom half of his naked picture, she sighed: "Poor my little boy! He has no time to shave his beard. He looks like his father, always has a cigar on his mouth."

A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because shes happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

A little boy is waiting for his mom to come out of the changing room while shopping with her. The little boy gets bored and when his mom comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a dummy's skirt.

"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!" she shouts. "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN HAVE TEETH DOWN THERE!"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars that nothing serious happened. So, for the rest of his life, this poor little boy grows up thinking that all women have teeth down below.

By the time he reaches 16, he finds himself a girl. One night, while her parents were out of town, she invites him over for a little action.

After a few hours of making out and grinding on the sofa, she asks him to go a bit further.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" while pointing to her privates.

"HELL NO!" he cries. more...

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"