Mommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Susie was Mommy's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing...." Susie, dear," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe's place." "But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susie. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

so its bettys first day in school and her mom sais what do u say when a stranger asks you to go to there house my mommy told me not to so i think i dont whant to the mom says good.
so she gose to school comes back a boy asks here to go to his house she sais my mommy told me not to so i think i dont want to please ok so they enter the house. then he sais go up to my room she sais my mommy told me not to so i think i dont want to please ok
she gose up to his room then he tells here to strip herself then lay on the bed she sais my mommy told me not to so i think i dont want to pleas ok then she strips of her cloths and getts on the bed and then he gets on top of betty the perents come in and the perants say get of our sun then betty says my mommy told me not to so i think i dont want to.

one day the little boy asked his mom if he could take a shower with her she said ok but don't look up or down.he did when he looked up he said what are those mommy? she said those are my spotlights. he looked down whats that mommy? thats my garden.
the next day he asked his dad if he could get a shower with him he said ok but dont look down.he did whats that he asked thats my snake.
later inthe night the little boy woke up from a bad dream, so he crawled in bed with his parentswhen he lifted up the blankets he screamed hurry up mommy turn on your spotlights there is a snake in your garden!

Nasty Mommy Mommy Jokes
son: Mommy Mommy! why are you moaning?
mom: Shut up and keep licking.
son: Daddy, Daddy, what's a transvestite?
dad: Shut up and unhook my bra.
son: Mommy, Mommy, what's an orgasm?
mom: I don't know dear, ask your father.
daughter: Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like Daddy's between my legs?
mom: You will when you're older, dear!
son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't wanna be a daddy
mom: Shut up and get in bed.
son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
mom: Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.
son: Daddy, Daddy what is incest?
dad: Shut up and suck.
son: Mommy! Mommy! What's oral sex?
mom: mmmrmmph mumble mumble mmhhh mmrph mmumble!
son: Mommy, Mommy! Why does Daddy's dick taste so bad?
mom: Shut up and give your sister another tampon.

A little boy about the age of 5 walked in on his mother taking a shower and looked down and asked "Mommy whats that?"
she replied "Thats mommies bush."
5 Mins later he walked in on her getting dressed and looked up and asked "Mommy what are those?"
she replied "Those are mommies headlights."
That night after his father came home from work he walked in on him getting changed and looked down and asked "Daddy whats that?"
he replied "Thats my snake."
That night he went into his parents room because he ahd a bad dream.
" Ok you can sleep with us but what ever you do donot go under the covers.
Not listening later that night he looked under the cover and screamed. "MOMMY MOMMY TURN ON YOUR HEAD LIGHTS THE SNAKE IS GOING INTO YOUR BUSH!"

Mary Lou was walking home from her first day of school wih her brand new dress on. Suddenly, some boys stopped her and told her, "We'll give you these balloons if you climb that tree!"

Mary Lou decided she'd try, so she climbed the tree, cme back down, took the balloons, and went home. She old her mommy what had happened, and her mommy said, "Oh dear! All those boys wanted was to see your underwear!"

Mary Lou answered, "Don't worry mommy, I wasn't wearing any."

While the Clintons were still in the Governor's Mansion in Arkansas, one night Chelsea came in to the bedroom and said, "Mommy, tell me a story please!"
Hillary said, "It's 3:00 am, honey, can't you just go to bed?"
Chelsea answered, "I tried, Mommy, but I can't sleep... please tell me a story."
Hillary thought for a moment and said, "OK, honey, I'll tell you what... You just jump up here in bed with me, and when your daddy finally gets home, we'll BOTH get to hear a story!"