Mommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, "Why the sudden change of attitude about math - do the nuns punish you?" The girl replied, "No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!"
Sick in Church "A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Momma!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and more...

Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. Mommy, Mommy, what are those? He says pointing to her breasts. Well, son, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven. Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying! What do you mean? Says his mother. Well, she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Daddy is trying to blow them up for her and she keeps yelling, God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!

Yechezkel: Mommy will you make me some potato latkes?
Mommy: GO ASK BUBBY/GRANDMA!
Yechezkel: Bubby/Grandma will you make me some potato latkes?
Bubby/Grandma: Sure honey.
Yechezkel: These potato latkes are yucky.
Bubby: YECHEZKEL SHUT-UP!

A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at more...

One day three brother's are down in the basement playing. They come across a carton of BB's that went along with their father's old Red Rider BB Gun. Since their father had the BB Gun locked away upstairs, they decided to just put the BB's in their mouths and spit them at each other. They were having a pretty fun time, but every once in a while they would each swallow a few while they were running and romping around. Pretty soon they moved on to other activities and cleaned up the remainder of the BB's. After a few hours, one of the boys runs from the bathroom to his mother screaming, "MOMMY, MOMMY, I'M PISSING BB's." Confused, his mother sends him to his room to lay down for a while. A few minutes later, the second of the brother's run's out of the bathroom screaming, "MOMMY, MOMMY, I'M PISSING BB's." Perplexed, the mother sends the second boy to his room also. She sits a few minutes while she plans what to ask her two sons about the matter. Then, the third more...

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got! "

there was a little kid and she wanted to take a shower with her mom and her mom said es when they were in the shower the little girl looked up and said "
mommy whats that?"
and her mom said "
thats my garden"
the next day the little girl wanted to take a shower with her dad and he said ok when they were in the shower the littlegirl looked up and asked "
daddy whats that?"
and her dad said "
thats my snake"
that night she got scared and slept with her mom and dad during the night she woke up and said "
MOMMY, MOMMY! THE SNAKES GOING IN THE GARDEN!!!