Mommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach, and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with breasts a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Minutes later, he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with penises a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more they talked, the dumber he got!"

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. She added to the priest, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

one day a boy said mommy how old are you and the mom said thats one thing you never ask a woman, and then the boy said mommy how much do you weight? and the mom said thats one thing you never ask a woman, and then he said mommy why did you and daddy get divorced? and she said once agian thats something you never ask a woman...so the boy left to look at her drivers liscenes and came back and said mommmy i know how old you are really? replied the mom, he said yea 25 years old and then he said mommy i know how much you weigh too...and the mom replied really? and the boy said yes 130 lbs then the mom said and im guessing you know why me and daddy got a divorece right??? and the boy said right, because you got an F in sex.

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."

A little girl was walking through the park with her mother when they came across two dogs mating.
"What are those two dogs doing, Mommy?" the little girl asked.
Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Well, the dog on top hurt his paw, so the one underneath is carrying him to the vet."
"They're just like people, aren't they, Mommy?" the little girl said.
"What do you mean, dear?" asked the mother.
"Offer somebody a helping hand," explained the little girl, "and they'll screw you every time!"

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues.

"Yes, Sweetheart, he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"