Monitors Jokes

A young intern is making his rounds late one night at the hospital. He enters into the room of an invalid woman who has been in a coma for over two years. No one comes to visit this poor woman anymore, but the intern is not as concerned with this as he is with finishing his rounds, the most mundane of his duties.
As the young doctor is straightening up the bed his hand accidentally rubs against the old woman's breast. Just then an extra "blip" comes from the monitors attached to the woman. The doctor's curiosity is peaked and he makes sure this is not a coincidence by touching the woman's breast again and sure enough there is another "blip". He decides to experiment further and places his hand in a more private place.
"Blip! blip, blip blip, blip blip" comes the sound from the monitor. The doctor is astounded. He calls the woman's husband who hasn't been in to see the woman in months. He very carefully explains to the man how he accidentally more...

All monitors and hand-held devices display 2 inch high letters whenever you need to see what the operator is typing.
High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing... 'ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES' on any keyboard.
Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing 'UPLOAD VIRUS.' Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors, explosions may result.
People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. However, the files are found fully intact upon returning.
Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE more...

Everything I Needed to Know About Computers I Learned in the Movies
Word processors never display a cursor.
You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
All monitors and hand-held devices display 2-inch-high letters whenever you
need to see what the operator is typing.
High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such
governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells
that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
Corollary you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing
"ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.
Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply
typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they
do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and more...

1. Word processors never display a cursor.2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or more...