Monkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
2 guys go into a bar. One guy said to the other, why is that monkey over there? He answer "Well watch this."
He went and slapped the monkey across the head and the monkey went and sucked his dong. So he said to the other guy, "Wanna try that?"
He answered "Sure. Just don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey more...
A tourist walks into a pet shop in Redmond, WA and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C Monkey, please." The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer saying, "That'll be $5000. 00." The customer pays and walks out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says "That was a very expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, Y2K compliant, well worth the money." The tourist looks at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive - $10, 000 dollars! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ Monkey; it can manage object-oriented Windows programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful more...
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? - Because it was dead. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? - Because it was stapled to the monkey.