Monster Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why didnt the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth werent loose.

Whats the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a prehistoric creature with a witch?
A: A dino-sorceress!
Q: What did the little ghost eat for lunch?
A: A booloney sandwich!
Q: What do little monsters like to drink?
A: Ghoul-Aid!
Q: What do you call eyeglasses for a ghost?
A: Spooktacles!
Q: Where would you find the graves of famous English ghouls?
A: Westmonster Abbey!
Q: How did the bootician style the ghost's hair?
A: With a scare dryer!
Q: What did the dog say to the skeleton?
A: "I'd like to get to gnaw you."
Q: Why didn't the little monster go trick-or-treating?
A: He didn't have a costume.
Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy."
Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true!"
Witch 1: "How do you manage to stay in shape?"
Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."
Q: Is it good to drink witch's brew?
A: Yes, it's very more...

- Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
- When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
- Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
- Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!
- If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
- When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.
- Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are missing!
- As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
- Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
- If you're searching for more...

Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence day?
A: The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!
Q: Why were the trick-or-treaters wearing grass skirts?
A: Because it was Hulaween!
Q: Where does a vampire keep his Easter candy?
A: In his Easter casket!
Q: How does a monster begin a fairy tale?
A: "Once upon a slime..."
Q: What's worse than a vampire with a toothache?
A: A skeleton with arthritis!
Q: What happened when the ghost disappeared in the fog?
A: He was mist.
Q: Where's the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?
A: On the psycho path!
Q: Did you hear about the really stupid horror movie?
A: It was shudder nonsense!
Q: Did you hear about the Egyptian monster who was a terrible driver?
A: He was a crash mummy!
Q: Did you hear about the starving vampire?
A: He was all gums!
Q: Why is it tough to compete against a vampire?
A: Because they're always out for more...

What the world is like in TV land:
1. If a women is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
2. Your car will always start immedaitely unless you are being chased
by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
4. The suburbs are exciting.
5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
6. Good guys are always outnumbered.
7. Good guys always win and get the girl.
8. Good guys are always good looking.
9. Ugly people are always bad guys.
10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
12. Court cases are all solved with a suprise witness.
13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
14. Cars will explode in all accidents.
15. Everyone has a 'dark' secret.
16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
17. Haunted houses are never locked.
18. The police are smart.
19. more...

What the world is like in TV land:
1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
2. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
4. The suburbs are exciting.
5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
6. Good guys are always outnumbered.
7. Good guys always win and get the girl.
8. Good guys are always good looking.
9. Ugly people are always bad guys.
10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
12. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness.
13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
14. Cars will explode in all accidents.
15. Everyone has a dark secret.
16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
17. Haunted houses are never locked.
18. The police are smart.
19. Good more...