Month Jokes / Recent Jokes

This month's internal news letter continues the tradition of including exerpts from student exams and papers. This month: history.
Pharoah forced the Herbrew slaves to make bread without straw
Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleaven bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
Afterwards Moses went up to Mt Cyanide to get the ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
David was a Hebrew King skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
The government of England was a limited mockery.
From the womb of Henry VIII protestantism was born. He found walking difficult as he had an abbess (sic) on his knee.

A man living in Newton, Massachusetts received a bill on his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0. 00. He threw it away. In April he received another and tossed that one, too. The following month the credit card company sent him a nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn’t send them $0. 00.
In retrospect, he probably should have let them do that. Instead he called the company and was informed that (are you ready for this?) the problem was the result of a computer error. They told him they’d take care of it.
The following month he reasoned that, if other charges appeared on the card, then it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. Besides, they assured him the problem would be resolved. So he presented his card for a purchase. It was declined.
Once again he called. He learned that the credit card had been cancelled for lack of payment. They apologized for (here it is again) another computer error and promised they would more...

Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought tickets, seeing it was for charity.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush.
About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love chocolates"
"So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta
"Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."

Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I ever should fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me."

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. Whats the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10, 000." "Gee, thats tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50, 000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder youre depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15, 000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"

It's just not right. Thousands of pilots in our very own country are living at or just below the six
figure salary line. And if that weren't bad enough, many of them may go several weeks or months
without a paycheck if they are forced by American Airlines management to strike. But now you can
help. For about three hundred dollars a day ~ that's less than the price of a 25" television set ~
you can help keep a pilot economically viable during their time of need.
Three hundred dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a pilot, it could mean
the difference between a vacation fishing in Florida or a Mediteranean cruise.
For you, three hundred dollars is nothing more than half a month's rent or mortgage payment. But to a
pilot, three hundred dollars a day will almost replace his or her salary.
Three hundred dollars a day will enable a pilot to upgrade his or her home computer, buy that new
100" television set, more...

Multiple Choice:
1. You log-on to:
A) Check your stock portfolio.
B) Meet new people and hang out.
C) Deny the punt beast his glory.

2. This week you spent:
A) 2-10 hours online.
B) Gee, probably about 20 hours online if you include flash sessions.
C) What day is it? (Give yourself “C” point credits if you’ve been on line since last week)

3. “Hell” can be best defined as:
A) A fiery dimension of eternal torture and penance.
B) Waiting in line at the DMV.
C) “The system is temporarily unavailable. Please try again in 15 minutes. ”

4a. You experience the greatest amount of stress when:
A) You are caught in rush hour traffic.
B) You realize you don’t have enough money to pay your bills.
C) You receive 17 IM’s while in the middle of a riveting chat in a crowded room.

4b. Extra Credit: The answer to 4a is not “B” because:
A) You have money you can pull out more...