Months Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill, a prominent southern California business man, got stuck in a traffic jam for the N-th day in a row and decided there and then that he had had enough. He made up his mind to liquidate his assets and buy a ranch in the middle of Nowhere Wyoming. Which he did.
He bought a ranch complete with a rather run down ranch house and set about to getting the ranch house up to code. He spent several months doing nothing but construction work.
One day he saw someone riding towards him over a far off hill. The rider eventually got up to the ranch house and introduced himself as Bill's nearest neighbor, and said he had been planning to come over and exchange greeting, but wanted to wait for Bill to get settled in.
Bill was pretty excited, as he hadn't really had any human contract for several months now, which was quite a change from his former life.
After exchanging greetings, Bill asked his neighbor "what do youall do for some fun around here"?
The neighbor more...

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem? ”
“My mother died in August, ” he said, “and left me $25, 000. ”
“Gee, that’s tough, ” he replied.
“Then in September, ” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90, 000. ”
“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed. ”
“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15, 000. ”
“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad. ”
“Then this month, ” continued, the friend, “absolutely nothing! ”

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I? m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark."

And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark.

"Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.

"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You? d better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."

Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front-yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big more...

As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc.
The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified "No dogs." Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area.
One day, the father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit. He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out.
But Chuck, being quite persuasive- and punctual with rent checks- convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no incidence. However, more...

One day a Sardarji talking with his friend...
Sardarji: We have to learn Telugu within 6 months or we will not be able to communicate with my child.
Friend: Is it! Why?
Sardarji: We have adopted a telugu child and it will start to speak after 6 months.

A sailor had been on his ship for months. When he finally docked the only thing he could think of was getting laid. So off he goes to find a bordello. When he finally found one he stopped, before going in to see how much money he had. To his dismay he only found five dollars in his pocket. He figures what the hell and goes in anyway. When he gets to the front desk he says to the madam "Please have pity on me it's been months since I've had a woman and I only have five dollars, is there anything you can do for me?" The madam thinks for a minute and says "I'll let you have Olga, she's the only one that will satisfy your needs for five bucks.". So Olga takes the sailor to a room and they start to get busy, but for some reason the sailor could not get it in. He asks her "did you take your panties off?" Olga tells him that she did but she knows what the problem is.She sits up on the side of the bed and starts messing with her pussy for a few seconds, she lays more...