Moon Jokes / Recent Jokes
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
Home is where the house is.
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
It would be terrible if the Red Cross more...
What do you call a paki on the moon?
A Problem!
What do you call 2 pakis on the moon?
A Big Problem!
What do you call all the pakis on the moon?
Problem solved!
Science definitions from Kids...
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton more...
Paddy the Earthling: We put a man on the moon in 1969.
Paddy the Martian: Big deal! We're going to send a team to the Sun.
Paddy the Earthling: You're mad! They'll be burned up before they even get close.
Paddy the Martian: We're not that stupid! We're sending them up at night!
Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl, who was busily stirring an empty pot with a stick.
"Hi," he said, introducing himself, "I'm an astronaut here to discover things about the moon."
The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him quite a pleasant smile. "How nice it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed. Throwing off her clothes, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth women?"
"Yes, you are," answered the now-excited astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"
"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.
"Now would you like to see how we make babies on earth?" asked the astronaut. The girl agreed and the astronaut proceeded more...
The NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blond.
When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us, over."
"Oink, oink, here Pig1, read you loud and clear"
"Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?"
"Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing, over."
"That's right. Over and out."
They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage. "Hallo, Pig2, Here Houston, come in please."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear."
"OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program."
"That's right. Over and out."
An hour later when the rocket has achieved the more...